From The Depths

I'm now turning 28 in a few months, and I still can't believe I am here now.  Well, it's not because my life has been a blast for how many years and I had everything I ever wanted to happen.  In fact, I don't have enough experiences and I honestly can't say I lived my life. Until this very moment, I feel like life went fast and everything is a blurr.  I have bits of experiences, mostly bad memories are on the top of my list and it feels wrong.  What I've just said might sound bad, but I think the only things I regreted are time not well spent and skills/talents put in to waste. 

Just minutes ago, I read a blog entry from Fritz Villafuerte (one of the best financial blogs I've read) about finding what to do in life, and it's a great read.  There are tips on the entry as how to find your purpose in life, and what caught me the most are when it says "try as many things as you can" and it takes a lot of time to master things (you have to find what you are passionate about and work on it).  I guess people will take every tip differently depending on what matters to them the most.  I find this tip important because ever since I was a kid, I have a lot of interest.  

I've been provided well by my parents financially, emotional support, not so much. I think they believe that I don't have to be pushed and I need to find perseverance by myself.  There were occasional talks as to why my grades are not good, even failing, but I guess it was my fault too as to why I didn't find working hard for what you want as appealing as they say.  I easily get discouraged, and I don't finish what I start.  This has always been a cycle because whenever it gets difficult and when I fail, I just stop. 

Like I said I have a lot of things I want to do, and recently, I decided to go back to school.  It's still not happening since I have a bunch of financial responsibilities to attend to, but I want to pursue my plans.  I believe I'm too afraid to go out of my comfort zone because I really don't know where I'm going, and I don't know if I'll do great with it.  But I'm convincing myself to take the step.  I have to move forward and I have to do something if I want to achieve something and make changes. 

One day, I asked myself, "is this all there is? working for a lot of hours in a week, earning money but done things half-heartedly?".  Earning money is good, it keeps you alive, but on the surface.  It provides you physical needs.  Gets you to places even.  I think life is suppose to be enjoyed, explored.  So I thought, I'd give the things I want to do a chance.  I will push myself to go beyond mere thoughts and hesitations.  I think I should try travelling and experience how it goes.  After all, we live only once. 

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What's Going On, Cat?

Just hours ago, I've decided to change my blog name and address.  I just feel like it is unnecessary to "expose" too many details on what's going on with me on facebook (since I've already posted updates and gave out my blog url).  I'd rather keep things a little bit private than before.

Surprisingly, I've finished a book called Love, Rosie in about 12hours last week.  Yey!  That's a first.  Well it's not a difficult book.  I stir away from books that are too much thought provoking.  I have this idea that when reading books, it should be entertaining and relaxing.  As long as I can read and understand it well, and maybe encourage me to read on more than having the feeling and need to put it down for a rest, that's just about it.  I have read a bunch of books but I can't really categorize my taste since it all depends on how simple the writing is but still interesting.

The idea of Love, Rosie is something that I can probably say that I relate to.  Maybe because I've been with someone in the past that I consider as my best friend, but admittingly, I'm no good with choices (that's what I think, and I'm starting to believe that I'm no good with making decisions).  So I was still (yes the second time around) not able to keep him.  He's a great guy by the way, but I think he deserves someone better than me.  I know there's someone who can really appreciate him more. 

Anyway, this is just a quick update.  I just want to blog for the day and maybe get things going with the updates. 

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Pacquiao VS Mayweather

Closed the shop yesterday's morning and watched Pacquiao's fight against Mayweather with family and the barbers.  

Exciting for Paquiao during the first few rounds, but when it hit round 6, my cheers however were declining for him.  It wasn't that he can't take the fight, but beating Mayweather and his strategy is just a far chance that Pacquiao will beat him by scores since (if) the fight finished by round 12.  I just had the feeling that he'll be beaten by the judges' scores.  It wasn't surprising anymore when they declared the winner after the fight.  

Despite of the results, I still believe Pacquiao is the winner, and even if he finished any fight either his in good or bad shape, I'll still support him all the way.  It's not because he's a Filipino, it's for the reason that despite of his struggles in life, he reached his dreams and became one of the best all-time fighters in the world.  Now that is awesome and certainly an inspiration to all. 

Congrats to Mayweather.  His strategy do works.  But my heart will always be for Pacquiao. 

* Image source unknown

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Too Open and Personal But F*ck It Anyway. I'm Too Sick of Being Silent.

I've been hesitant in writing a bunch of details on my blog, for the reason that I disclose roughly 50-70% of my life and the choices that I make. Sometimes I want strangers to read my blog, and sometimes I don't. I like the idea that maybe there's someone out there who could say something (anything) that could turn me in to someone whom I used to be, passionate and knowing what steps to take on ahead. What I don't like about being open is that someone could use everything I write against me or just take things wrongly.  Guess I just have to put up with everything, I just do hope that the latter doesn't have to happen.  

Open door.
Image Source

I've been sick for days.  Whenever I get sick, I'm almost bedridden.  I just curl my way on the bed for days and be irritable or grumpy.  Makes me hate on a lot of things, which I know isn't helping very well.  I just hate the feeling of being sick and physically weak (who loves getting sick anyway?).  

I'm guilty though that I had to be away from work.  I have no other person to replace me but my Mom.  Yes, trusty old busy Mom, whom I pity that she had to do my boring job of 16hours a day. So, I check on my Mom whenever I go out of my room, and ask about how the business and barbers are doing.  

Having this kind of job is a blessing and curse.  The office is barely ventilated and even lit, and if you don't have the means to get through the day without being bored, then you're screwed.  

The office get less ventilation most of the time because we try to cut the electricity's use and the lot is big for one 2HP powered airconditioning (weekends are better since more people needs more ventilation which then we turn on the second airconditioning system).  We also use minimal light in the office since it'll even get warmer when the lights are too bright.
Good thing I have the company of my laptop, tablet, phone, and books, but it gets in your nerve sometimes that you don't get to go out like most normal working people do.  But if I were most people, I would have been mentally ill long time ago.  The isolation is going to be devastating for others, that's for sure.  Good thing I'm an introvert, I can go on for days without stepping out of the office just to socialize. I do socialize with the barbers.  But I realize I'm disclosing too much, and I don't want to give them reasons to talk more behind my back (I'm not that naive. Please... we all do that), so I control my mouth whenever I can. 

AND... Just imagine having a routine of 16hours a day, and having only about 2daysfor Christmas celebration, All Saint's Day (which is only a day), 3days for Holy Week, and 2 days for New Year's Day as day offs.  That means I have almost no time for my parents, friends, and even the long coveted travel.  Heck! I don't even have time to pamper myself on hair or nail salons like I used to!

The great thing is, I don't have to do much.   I can practically do whatever I want inside the office and just receive the customer's payment. Tada~~  What a great job benefit, right? (strong sarcasm intended)

BUT after a year of "confinement", I start to question, where am I heading with all of this?  Is this going to be all that I'm going to do for the next years to come?  I thought I was suppose to be "happy" and "free" (of some sort)?

I definitely know that I can't keep up with the rent in the future, because by then, it will be absurdly high.  Talk about a whooping 1500php increase every year!  I can't take our prices high too, because we never marketed for people with definite lifestyle/status.  It's for everyone who trusts our service.  It may be a 50pesos haircut now, but we certainly can't maintain the 50peso range for long. 

And when it comes to happiness and freedom, I feel even more restricted now.  My time is not my own since I have to be here, always.  Talk about the people who are depending on their job to survive, that's one of the reasons why I have to.
This kind of business can't be put in to another's hand.  We had another bad experience with the last cashier, he cheated on us and stole money and worse, I can never trace the times he've done that before the caught-in-the-act incident happened.  It's not the first time.  But it was totally the worse for me since I and my parents trusted him for years and didn't treat him differently.  That's why I'm here in the first place, because we can't trust it to anyone.  You don't want to wake up one day, bankrupt.

Maybe a lot of people think that having a business such as this, is the very best vocation in the world.  I think it is despite all of my qualms.  BUT there has to be some system to balance life out.  Still figuring out how to better things.

Maybe some of my acquaintances (my very few friends maybe knows a lot by now) think that I have everything now because the business is stable.  They're definitely wrong.  I don't have the things that money can't buy.  If you've reached this part of the entry, you have already figured it out (congratulations!).

Oh well... Life goes on.  Some plans are still delayed, got bills and debts to pay, but will get there.

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Plans Delayed

After some big realizations last year, I was set to do some plans for 2015.  

I'm going back to school.  The thing is, I didn't expect that classes have already started.  I am two weeks late.  I can still enroll though, but the finances are quite tight as of the moment since I have a lot of bills to pay and I need a new air-conditioning system for our shop.  And, I still haven't trained my Aunt on how to handle the shop when I'm away.  Somehow,  I feel bad that I didn't inquire early January about the schedules.  I guess I have to concentrate on the things that I have right now. 

I've written about learning new things before at my other blog.  I have an interest in learning a musical instrument.  Actually I enrolled in one back in college.  I took piano lessons for I think  2 weeks, but wasn't able to finish it because I got busy with my OJT at school (maybe I was procrastinating too).  I did have fun and it feels good to learn new things.  

Right now, I'm considering my most favorite instrument, the saxophone.  The reasons why I didn't enroll for sax lessons are 1) the instrument is expensive, and 2) I was having doubts about myself.  After watching a few youtube tutorial, some of my doubts shed.  I believe I can do it.  It's the only instrument that I would love to learn.  The piano is just an alternative since I can just borrow one if I want to practice at home. 

As of the meantime, I'm finalizing plans, but I'm doing okay with my routines for now.  Hopefully I'd be able to act on my major plans soon. 

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New Songs To Oldies

For the past few days, I've been listening to a bunch of songs, and some of them I just can't help hit the replay button.  These songs are rendition of current hits that are given a twist of jazz, blues, hill billy, doo woop, and mowtown music, music that were popular back in the 20's until 60's.  Thanks to the genius Scott Bradlee and his crew from Postmodern Jukebox, I can listen to new music in old musical arrangement.

I'm a listener to various kinds of genre, but I listen to classic jazz to modern jazz most of the time. I'm a jazz and 80's lover and a fan of other music of the "yesteryears".

Here are my favorites from Postmodern Jukebox:

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Quick Post On Activities

The days are short.  Maybe because I've been busying myself with my new routines.  Sometimes, I still feel the drag during the afternoons since it's the time I get to lull for the day and I'm just left with got nothing to do.

Most of the time, I read articles, blogs, and books while at work.  But I easily get tired when I get to read for a few hours and I want to shift to another activity.  If I'm not reading, I'm either watching a movie or taking my nap.

I want to start a new hobby that I can do just here at work.  Thinking about sewing or embroidery, but most of the time, I'm holding money. I'm thinking about all the dirt and germs that I cross contaminate with every objects that I hold.  So I'm still thinking about other ways to keep me busy.

I'm feeling a little bit better emotionally and mentally, but it's just like day one.  I still have a long way to go for recovery, but I'm positive that I'll be better.

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