Too Open and Personal But F*ck It Anyway. I'm Too Sick of Being Silent.

I've been hesitant in writing a bunch of details on my blog, for the reason that I disclose roughly 50-70% of my life and the choices that I make. Sometimes I want strangers to read my blog, and sometimes I don't. I like the idea that maybe there's someone out there who could say something (anything) that could turn me in to someone whom I used to be, passionate and knowing what steps to take on ahead. What I don't like about being open is that someone could use everything I write against me or just take things wrongly.  Guess I just have to put up with everything, I just do hope that the latter doesn't have to happen.  

Open door.
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I've been sick for days.  Whenever I get sick, I'm almost bedridden.  I just curl my way on the bed for days and be irritable or grumpy.  Makes me hate on a lot of things, which I know isn't helping very well.  I just hate the feeling of being sick and physically weak (who loves getting sick anyway?).  

I'm guilty though that I had to be away from work.  I have no other person to replace me but my Mom.  Yes, trusty old busy Mom, whom I pity that she had to do my boring job of 16hours a day. So, I check on my Mom whenever I go out of my room, and ask about how the business and barbers are doing.  

Having this kind of job is a blessing and curse.  The office is barely ventilated and even lit, and if you don't have the means to get through the day without being bored, then you're screwed.  

The office get less ventilation most of the time because we try to cut the electricity's use and the lot is big for one 2HP powered airconditioning (weekends are better since more people needs more ventilation which then we turn on the second airconditioning system).  We also use minimal light in the office since it'll even get warmer when the lights are too bright.
Good thing I have the company of my laptop, tablet, phone, and books, but it gets in your nerve sometimes that you don't get to go out like most normal working people do.  But if I were most people, I would have been mentally ill long time ago.  The isolation is going to be devastating for others, that's for sure.  Good thing I'm an introvert, I can go on for days without stepping out of the office just to socialize. I do socialize with the barbers.  But I realize I'm disclosing too much, and I don't want to give them reasons to talk more behind my back (I'm not that naive. Please... we all do that), so I control my mouth whenever I can. 

AND... Just imagine having a routine of 16hours a day, and having only about 2daysfor Christmas celebration, All Saint's Day (which is only a day), 3days for Holy Week, and 2 days for New Year's Day as day offs.  That means I have almost no time for my parents, friends, and even the long coveted travel.  Heck! I don't even have time to pamper myself on hair or nail salons like I used to!

The great thing is, I don't have to do much.   I can practically do whatever I want inside the office and just receive the customer's payment. Tada~~  What a great job benefit, right? (strong sarcasm intended)

BUT after a year of "confinement", I start to question, where am I heading with all of this?  Is this going to be all that I'm going to do for the next years to come?  I thought I was suppose to be "happy" and "free" (of some sort)?

I definitely know that I can't keep up with the rent in the future, because by then, it will be absurdly high.  Talk about a whooping 1500php increase every year!  I can't take our prices high too, because we never marketed for people with definite lifestyle/status.  It's for everyone who trusts our service.  It may be a 50pesos haircut now, but we certainly can't maintain the 50peso range for long. 

And when it comes to happiness and freedom, I feel even more restricted now.  My time is not my own since I have to be here, always.  Talk about the people who are depending on their job to survive, that's one of the reasons why I have to.
This kind of business can't be put in to another's hand.  We had another bad experience with the last cashier, he cheated on us and stole money and worse, I can never trace the times he've done that before the caught-in-the-act incident happened.  It's not the first time.  But it was totally the worse for me since I and my parents trusted him for years and didn't treat him differently.  That's why I'm here in the first place, because we can't trust it to anyone.  You don't want to wake up one day, bankrupt.

Maybe a lot of people think that having a business such as this, is the very best vocation in the world.  I think it is despite all of my qualms.  BUT there has to be some system to balance life out.  Still figuring out how to better things.

Maybe some of my acquaintances (my very few friends maybe knows a lot by now) think that I have everything now because the business is stable.  They're definitely wrong.  I don't have the things that money can't buy.  If you've reached this part of the entry, you have already figured it out (congratulations!).

Oh well... Life goes on.  Some plans are still delayed, got bills and debts to pay, but will get there.